The Punmastah, Robert “Maynard” Kuprovich, shares with “Maine at War” readers this humorous introduction to famous Civil War personalities.
Maynard issues this disclaimer: The following list is only intended as wordplay and not to dishonor any names of any heroic Americans. Any resemblance of these to actual persons is just a darned shame. You might appreciate these more if you have some Civil War background:
Deaf Gnat Lee: a Confederate general with a very solid and confident plan.
General Grant: a Union officer who funded many random college tuitions.
Cherries Jubal Lee: a famous and popular Confederate desserter.
Early: a Confederate general who was habitually late (this one is more accurate than you might think).
Mead: a honey of a Union general (as told by Ed Bearss).
Rosecramps: a Union general who was a thorn in everyone’s side.
BoweryGuard: a Confederate general in charge of monitoring the cheap side of town.
Stonewalling Jackson: a Confederate general who was known for many evasive political tactics.
A Blinkin’: President of the Union, whose buds were Winkin’ and Nod.
General Ben Butler: Union officer who was great at handling ashtrays and serving drinks and was one heck ova guy, and what a man.
General Johnstown: a Confederate who always led the first wave under General Flood (this one hits me to the very corps).
Sickles: a Union officer who would wield harvesting blades in battle and who dressed like the Grim Reaper, especially in the Wheat Field.
If you enjoy reading the adventures of Mainers caught up in the Civil War, be sure to like Maine at War on Facebook and get a copy of the new Maine at War Volume 1: Bladensburg to Sharpsburg, available online at Amazon and all major book retailers, including Books-A-Million and Barnes & Noble.
Brian Swartz can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. He loves hearing from Civil War buffs interested in Maine’s involvement in the war.