The Punmastah, Robert “Maynard” Kuprovich, shares with “Maine at War” readers this humorous introduction to famous Civil War personalities.
Maynard issues this disclaimer: The following list is only intended as wordplay and not to dishonor any names of any heroic Americans. Any resemblance of these to actual persons is just a darned shame. You might appreciate these more if you have some Civil War background:
Deaf Gnat Lee: a Confederate general with a very solid and confident plan.
General Grant: a Union officer who funded many random college tuitions.
Cherries Jubal Lee: a famous and popular Confederate desserter.
Early: a Confederate general who was habitually late (this one is more accurate than you might think).
Mead: a honey of a Union general (as told by Ed Bearss).
Rosecramps: a Union general who was a thorn in everyone’s side.
BoweryGuard: a Confederate general in charge of monitoring the cheap side of town.
Stonewalling Jackson: a Confederate general who was known for many evasive political tactics.
A Blinkin’: President of the Union, whose buds were Winkin’ and Nod.
General Ben Butler: Union officer who was great at handling ashtrays and serving drinks and was one heck ova guy, and what a man.
General Johnstown: a Confederate who always led the first wave under General Flood (this one hits me to the very corps).
Sickles: a Union officer who would wield harvesting blades in battle and who dressed like the Grim Reaper, especially in the Wheat Field.
Brian Swartz can be reached at email@example.com. He loves hearing from Civil War buffs interested in Maine’s involvement in the war.